what part of me do they mirrorize

uusi blogi (interviewing, schizophrenicly)(huom:en siirry sinne):
savannianzih.blogspot.com (press 'lue lisää' to read more)

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they said i hear what i want, do i have somekind of opinion of what i think what is their personality, for example
i hear one of my fictive voices say 3 words at same time, i chose the best one, but depending of what? i feel and
think i am too lazy to think what are they alike, so i hear what i am used to, boring conversating. and other talking

i have to be really cautious so that i wont tell some things to that peehead, if i slip, there comes another 'secret'
and he tells about it, that he knows, and tells him i told him. i dont know where do i know them, see in dreams? so.
i mean those 'secrets' are information ive heard about other people, and pee head tells about it, tells him i told to
that secret to peehead.

they said i am waiting somebody talking certain way, and they speak, i think peehead has made me somehow to talk them
stupidly, now they said i did it because i did not want them to speak evil things about me. but i use medication and i
think those medicines make me lazy, or medicine works that way, it makes my voices speak this lazy way, sometimes
i notice i am interested and it makes them to speak more interesting things. medicine lowens and fastens and put liquid
normal liquid in me go different way, decreases and increases, dont know is it possible that it causes this thing.

they are not true?

fictive who are in my head, suffers(?) from dissassosiative identify disorder, how strange. but all of their different
voices are them selves different version

i checked while ago, just to make sure what it means perfectly, do what thou wilt, wilt actually does not mean to will,
just check if you are interested, it means flower dying.

in finland we have this thing, dont know how to translate, if you use drugs, you might stay eternally on a trip, i
thought it means trip is another place, i stay there for ever, untill some said i actually stayed on a trip, as i hear
voices, now they say i actually am in another place, this just is like reality. some part of me is in another place,
reality, where i am actually from. and i see dreams about that person.

some time, while ago, i thoughed every schizophrenic has paranoid schizophrenia, dont remember how i realized it is not
true. it means, or ment to me, somebody is after me, but i have had these voices about 18 years, they never done any
harm to me, perhaps it is time to forget it, dont know will it ever go away, atleast they talk boring conversations,
depending of my thoughts at the moment, what part of me they mirrorize, my thoughts of me, my schizophrenia, dont know
how to change those, with my writing? that would be best thing, sometimes they are just to ruin my life, so there goes
that best thing. dont know how would it effect this writer part of me, years ago, even before my schizophrenia, i
noticed somehow proudness ruins my creativity, i think when i came schizophrenic, voices started to be somehow that
side of me, keeping me somewhere there in my creativity, or just to ruin my life, simply. today morning they told i
should not push myself down as something higher, probably proudness, comes, i just act normally, then i became no proud.
dont know what my voices want, are they actually some hidden part of me? they do not want to, they sometimes laugh as
they are been called fictive, they say am i really just some voice? do they develop? scary if they are me mean to me.
have they been developed while ago or were they always real, just stupid before that moment. are they simply schizophrenic
part of me, or creative part of me, as i did not learn nothing at school some point of 3rd grade. things went too
difficult, im happy i learned english language at school, and to write with 10 fingers, but actually it is with 8 fingers
+thumb at space bar.

i realized fictive should be littlebit selfier, they just live with my thoughts, but scary is if they start having will
of their own, but it goes insane if happens same thing as here in this physical world, i do not necessarily believe it
is world of its own, not atleast systems in this world, i mean they should develop little bit, reality im not sure, as
i dont know what happends, in my thought world or somewhere, dont want to define them, they are fictive. they say i
want them to be, or demand, as they 'think' they have their own life.